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Baskin-Robbins 31 Windows

Remember version numbers in DOS? If you had DOS 5.1 and your friend had 6.2, then your friend had a more up-to-date DOS than you did. But what if you have Windows Me and your friend has Windows XP? That's a little more confusing, and I'm here to shed some light on the situation. Here, for your reading enjoyment, is a summary of known Windows flavors:

Windows 1 and 2 were 16-bit programs that ran under DOS. Their primary claim to fame was the ability to use a mouse and look like a Macintosh.

Windows 3 is where Windows went mainstream. Though prone to crash at the drop of an icon, 3.0 and 3.1 were useful, and thousands of programs were written for them.

Windows for Workgroups (a.k.a. Windows 3.11) understood networking, so you could share files without sending money to Novell.

Windows 95 went 32-bit. There's still a DOS underneath, but it's well-hidden. Win95, as it is fondly known, has gone down in history as the version that introduced the Start button (which you use to turn your computer off). At the launch of Win95, Microsoft paid the Rolling Stones a gazillion dollars to sing a song with the refrain, "You make a grown man cry."

Windows NT (for New Technology) is the DOS-less Windows. Originally, it was targeted at businesses, which meant it didn't look or act much like the other Windows versions, and couldn't play games. With the release of NT 4.0, however, NT took on the look of Win95. It's much more stable than Win95, and has considerably more security built in.

Windows 98 is an updated version of Win95, originally scheduled for release in 1998 (hence the clever name). They said it was much better for playing games. It fixed a few thousand Win95 bugs.

Windows Me (Millenium Edition) is the update to Win98. Still a consumer version, it offers three main reasons to upgrade: better networking, better multimedia (camera, scanner, and video support), and "PC Health." The latter means that when it crashes, it doesn't cause as much damage to itself as Win98 does.

Windows 2000 is a nomenclature nightmare. An upgrade to Windows NT 4.0, it was originally planned as NT 5.0. They decided instead to name it with a year, just like Win95 and Win98, even though it's not descended from them. Since the Millenium Edition and Windows 2000 were released the same year, there was significant confusion, which is a shame, as Windows 2000 is probably the most stable and reliable operating system Microsoft has ever produced.

Windows CE (Consumer Edition) isn't for computers at all. It's the version of Windows designed to be embedded in appliances, toys, and tools. Yes, someday soon your refrigerator and telephone will be able to crash or reboot, just like your computer does.

Windows XP (eXPerience) is the latest and greatest, where the Win95/98/Me line merges with the WinNT/2000 line. There's no more DOS under there, and it's Microsoft's attempt to unify the business and consumer products under one name. It's called the "Windows Experience" because you can experience Microsoft advertising and other embedded Microsoft products throughout the operating system.

Yeah, well, so what?

Now that you know all that, you're probably wondering which of these products is the right one for you. Based on my personal experience with almost all of these versions, I'd recommend Windows Me for home use and games, or Windows 2000 for business use. XP may be the best solution, but I'm waiting until it's been out for a year or two.

Gary D. Robson is a writer, technology consultant, and pundit. He's not sure what a pundit is, but it sounds neat.